The Fourth Of July Death Diet

Declare your independence. Have a heart attack!

Laugh and learn about my death and resurrection below. To avoid my fate, avoid sugar, salt and saturated fat. Indulge yourself with exercise. And, whatever you do, do not be like Joey.

By the way, the introduction to my podcast below, is even funnier than last year’s legendary, satirical introduction of Mr. Chestnut.

“There will be a day that is the end – the collapse of time – and all that stood within it a day of nothing – of no one – of nowhere. But, that day is not today. Today we burn bright. Today we blind the earth with our desire. And, while it is still ours, we will bend history to witness this moment – to witness this man – the humble consequence of carbon – the fleeting spray of life turned diamond by the sun, forever suspended in that instant indifferent to the gods for he does not envy their power. He will not plead their pardon. He will curse and spit and sneer and shout his name at the heavens: “I am the shining arc of humanity! Yield to my dominion. And, if we must compete for our place within existence, we submit as our champion, the champion of the world of now, and, as always of the air, of the fire, of the sea, of the land, of the free! Ladies and Gentlemen, the Nathan’s Famous Fourth Of July Champion Of The World – Joey Chestnut!!!”

Read about my death and resurrection below. To avoid my fate, avoid sugar, salt and saturated fat. Indulge yourself with exercise. And don’t be like Joey.